Retroactively Holding onto Hope

Often, when I've hoped for something and it doesn't work out, the safest response seems to be to chide myself for hoping. My husband went through a year and a half of applying for all kinds of jobs before he began to learn medical coding a year ago, and we are beginning to dip our toes into another season of job searching. I'm reminded of the ups and downs of finding a possible job, maybe getting an interview, thinking about how we might make the position work with his unique needs, then never hearing back or getting rejected.

Whenever there is a good possibility, I'll think a lot about the ways it might be perfect for our situation. Then, if it doesn't work out, my first inclination is to reflect on why it wasn't a good fit, and, ultimately, to reproach myself for thinking positively of a bad idea. I'll tell myself, "Of course we can't handle that schedule! What were you thinking?!"

That doesn't seem like the right approach, though. I want to tell myself that it's good to have hoped for something, whether it worked out or not. It's good to be open to God's infinite possibilities, to believe--and remember--that He can surprise us, and He can have plans that are far beyond our expectations. I think my inclination to "take back" my hope is a way of trying to protect myself from disappointment. But it only leads to negativity. Instead of walking through the disappointment, I'm scolding myself like an irritated parent, as if hope is a sin instead of a primary Christian virtue.

St. Sophia of Rome named her daughters Faith, Hope, and Love. Those three daughters were martyred while she looked on, encouraging them to cling to the virtues of their names until the end. Maybe she had moments when she wondered if her hope was misplaced. But her ultimate hope was not in her children, but in God. And He did not forsake her, nor did He forsake them. So, our temporary hopes can be crushed—like St. Sophia’s hope that her daughters would be spared from a gruesome death. But our hope in God need never falter. In the eyes of the world, Faith, Hope, and Love were conquered, but, as Jesus said, “Be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).