The First Week of December

A lot can happen in a week.

One of my favorite bloggers, Sara Hagerty, wrote on her Instagram on November 30th, "December has been loaded for me. .... I sit by a Christmas tree whose lights emit a fictitious heat that still somehow warms me. .... Advent seems to always quicken my watchful eye for something more than just what's in front of me. .... But December is also the month that I lost a friend in a car accident, and my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and when that slip of a baby that I carried died."

In its own way for me, just in the first week of December, my life was an incredible amalgamation of joy and looming difficulty, blessing and approaching challenge. I am most thankful to be able to say that joy and blessing have won out, and I am more hopeful than worldly thinking would perhaps have me be. And therein lies the real joy, the evidence of God's working in me over many years.

On the first Monday of December, I saw my OBGYN, and she confirmed my diagnosis--already evident to me from studying my recent ultrasound results--of endometriosis. A year ago I had what appeared to be very small cysts in both of my ovaries, which hinted at endometriosis, but the cysts have been growing since then and both of my ovaries are now significantly enlarged, making the diagnosis clear.
This diagnosis gives us the practical answer to my ongoing question to God of, "Why? Why don't I have children yet?" (I say "practical" because I admit the question was generally more of a rhetorical one--a complaint, really). It was surprisingly a relief to have a real answer about this. We will be pursuing different treatment options before we learn the final verdict as to whether I can ever achieve pregnancy, but, to my husband and me, the knowledge of my condition felt like a clear message that we will be pursuing adoption in the future.
We were already very interested in adoption and thinking of it as a likely path--possibly after having biological children--but now we feel really called to see it as our goal.
So, rather than being discouraged, I'm actually more hopeful than I was before that God does have a plan for us to raise children.

Now for the straight-up good news: we learned on Friday of the same week that my husband got a job! After years of trying to find a way to viably support ourselves while doing various small jobs, then a year and a half of fruitless job-searching, and then over a year of learning medical billing and coding, and then passing his certification exam last month--he was hired by the first company that he applied to! Not only that, but they offered him a better position than the one he applied for! And he will be working mostly from home, something we had come to believe was essential for the right job.
So there is much to celebrate right now, while at the same time these pieces of news each lead to more work and struggle. We now have a very full work schedule--and our work schedule felt full already! But we have faith that God has led us here and will continue to lead us forward along the great journey that He has mapped out for our lives. And we are so thankful for the prayers of our family and friends that help to sustain us along our path.